yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
