She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
