1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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