what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
