i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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