i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
