she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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