I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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