I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there was a trapeze. enough said
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
