My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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