The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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