I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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