Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
