My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
