I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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