I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
