Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
