Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my shit smells like andre
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
