So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
