i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
