She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize