my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
