In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
