I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
