Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize