I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You're like the curious george of whores
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
