K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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