I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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