New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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