I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
