He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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