so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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