honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
