Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
