Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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