So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm always down for nudity.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize