Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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