Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
