your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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