I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
