this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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