If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
