I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
