Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
