I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
