Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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