Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
