id be glad to
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
