I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
