i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
