??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
