me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
