New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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