Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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