My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
