i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How external is "for external use only"?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
