I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
