So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
