Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
