does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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