The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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