Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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