People in love make me want to vomit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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