The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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