you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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