Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
