This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
