they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
