fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that's an acceptable place to lick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
