Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
