I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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