ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
