i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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