I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
