She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
