The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
