I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
