i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
