I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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