What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
